Premier League Gameweek 3 Roundup

Harry Kane still has NEVER scored an August goal. SLUMP ALERT!

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It’s the summit of world soccer. Third time’s the charm. What could go wrong? Well. . .

 

Manchester City 2-1 Bournemouth

Oh, this crazy league. Left back Charlie Daniels produced a goal of the season contender in the 13th minute to put the massive underdogs ahead. Gabriel Jesus’s tap-in eight minutes later equalized. This game was destined to be a draw, we all said. Then referee Mike Dean gave ten (!!!) minutes of stoppage time! Raheem Sterling played hero in the seventh minute of these, and was then given a second yellow card and sent off—for running into the crowd in celebration. Cheers, Mike Dean.

Swansea 2-0 Crystal Palace

Loan signing Tammy Abraham volleyed home a spectacular ball from Leroy Fer to open the scoring just before halftime. From there it was all Swansea, and Jordan Ayew’s goal emphasized it.

Huddersfield 0-0 Southampton

Skip.

Brighton 0-0 Watford

Skip.

Newcastle 3-0 West Ham

This was a special performance from the recently-promoted Newcastle. Matt Ritchie ran the show, picking up a nice assist to pad his stats. Christian Atsu, Alexander Mitrovic, and Joselu all scored, delivering Slaven Bilic one more conundrum to deal with.

Manchester United 2-0 Leicester City

Ah, yes. Romelu Lukaku missed a penalty, making his FPL owners (like me) furious. Henrikh Mkhitaryan also racked up his fifth assist in three games en route to a dominant win for the Red Devils.

Chelsea 2-0 Everton

Alvaro Morata is enjoying playing in London, isn’t he? The striker racked up another goal and another assist, carrying the Blues to three points. The scoreline may flatter them a bit though. Ashley Williams and Idrissa Gueye were both inches away from changing the landscape of this game.

Liverpool 4-0 Arsenal

Can we just move on?

West Brom 1-1 Stoke

Two boring, park-the-bus sides went up against each other. Both scored crummy goals and parked the bus thereafter. What’s left?

Oh, right. The Baggies signed Kieran Gibbs.

Fun.

Tottenham 1-1 Burnley

Yes, Clarets! New signing Chris Wood buried a pinpoint pass from Robbie Brady to prolong the “Wembley curse” of Tottenham. Harry Kane still hasn’t scored in any August, ever.

 

That will do it for this week! If you would enjoy me berating Arsene Wenger’s infinite  failings, please leave a like! Transfer deadline day is tomorrow, and Arsenal probably won’t sign anybody. What a time to be a Gunners fan, am I right?

Premier League Gameweek 2 Roundup

You readers absolutely smashed that like button last time out. So of course I have to review Gameweek 2, which took place this past Saturday–Monday.

Manchester United 4-0 Swansea   

Romelu Lukaku and Paul Pogba may have stolen the headlines, but Henrikh Mkhitaryan’s creativity crushed Swansea. The Armenian wizard assisted two of the Red Devils’ four goals, bringing his season tally up to four. The next highest players have two.

Southampton 3-2 West Ham

There goes the vaunted Southampton defense. The Saints went up 2-0, but two goals from Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez equalized before a dramatic last minute penalty converted by Charlie Austin granted Southampton the victory.

Watford 2-0 Bournemouth, Leicester City 2-0 Brighton

The less said about these games, the better. Watford and Leicester dominated and Bournemouth and Brighton were dreadful. Leave it at that.

Liverpool 1-0 Crystal Palace

For most of the game, one would think it was Liverpool who shipped three goals to Huddersfield last week. A last-gasp goal from Sadie Mane carried the Reds to victory, and disappointment reigns for Palace, who had every chance to finish it off.

West Brom 1-0 Burnley

Tony Pulis’ favorite type of victory, isn’t it?

Stoke City 1-0 Arsenal

There are bogey teams. Bayern Munich has Atletico Madrid, Liverpool has anyone who can score, and Arsenal has Stoke. A wonderful strike from debutant Jesé Rodriguez, coupled with a disastrous mistake from the assistant referee on an Alexandre Lacazette goal incorrectly ruled offside, delivered the Potters the three points.

Huddersfield 1-0 Newcastle

The Terriers did it again! Picked against by the world, Aaron Mooy curled in a terrific strike. Disappointment for those fantasy managers that transferred in Steve Mounie (me), but what a start it’s been for Huddersfield!

Chelsea 2-1 Tottenham

There’s the Marcos Alonso we know so well! Harry Kane hit the post twice, but the left back was more clinical, scoring both of the Blues’ goals.

When a left back saves your attack. . .

Manchester City 1-1 Everton

Lovely end-to-end stuff at the Etihad. Wayne Rooney’s 200th goal in the Premier League was cancelled out by a late volley from Raheem Sterling. In all fairness, he shouldn’t have had the chance. A disastrous header from Mason Holgate went straight to the winger’s foot. Dominic Calvert-Lewin looks like a star in the making. The City defense couldn’t deal with his rare blend of speed and skill.

Premier League Predictons II: The Europa League race

Yesterday I detailed my predictions for the bottom half of the Premier League table. Today it’s 10-5, the race for the Europa League.

I really like this Newcastle team. Henri Saivet and Tim Krul return from their loans to a side that added Javier Manquillo, Florian Thau—I mean Lejeune, and Mikel Merino. Jonjo Shelvey and Matt Ritchie highlight a midfield that dominated the Championship last year, and that’s just the start. If not for their relative inexperience I would put them higher.

In 9th is West Ham. The Hammers still haven’t replaced Dmitri Payet, and that won’t hinder them to the extreme, but they will be pushed by Newcastle.

In eighth is Southampton. Fraser Forster in goal is never a bad thing, and they won’t be lacking chances in the final third with the likes of Dusan Tadic in the attacking midfield.

Here is where it gets really hard. Chelsea. Arsenal. Manchester City. Manchester United. Tottenham. Everton. Liverpool. All have great squads. All but the Spurs have improved them, and that’s why Tottenham are in seventh. They finished second last year, sure. Their Pythagorean win total placed them at sixth. Mass regression is due, and they’re playing at Wembley. They never do well at Wembley. When all the other top seven sides have boosted their stars and depth, you don’t want to stand pat.

In sixth place, stop me if you’ve heard this before. Perennially underachieving Manchester United won the Europa League last year, and participating in the Champions League this year will be a test for the Red Devils. They lack the squad depth to challenge in the league and in Europe. Despite the signing of Romelu Lukaku, they will still finish sixth.

Look at Everton splashing the cash in the transfer market! Davy Klaassen, Jordan Pickford, and Michael Keane joined early. Then the aforementioned Lukaku left for exactly fourteen times the price Ronald Koeman secured Sandro Ramirez for. Gerard Delofeu’s departure will be a blow, and the squad’s chemistry will suffer for a month or two. However, once they get going, look out!

Tomorrow I will post my top four predictions. As always, leave a like if you enjoyed and your feedback in the comments is appreciated!